“On the first day in our new flat, mum told me to go out and play so she could clean in peace. I saw a girl in the yard with blond curly hair who looked friendly. I asked if we could play, but she replied: ‘I’m not allowed to play with gypsies because they’ve got lice.’”
   Valeriu didn’t understand. He started crying and ran home to his mum. She stopped cleaning and sang him a song to cheer him up.
   “It was about a brown bear who had to struggle to get along in a world full of white bears. Later, she made up her own song too, about how if you’re kind and you work hard, you’ll get along in life. She never let me blame any difficulties on the fact that I was Roma. She said: ‘You have to prove that you are good enough. And to be good enough, you have to be at least ten times better than all the non-Roma.’”

Racist stepfather
To Valeriu’s new neighbours, he wasn’t just an ordinary boy, he was a “dirty gyppo kid”. Even his stepfather, who wasn’t Roma, used to call him gyppo kid instead of Valeriu. The word gyppo was used by many to describe people from the Roma community, often as an insult.
   “My stepdad hated Roma, just like others in Romania and many other countries have done for centuries. He had all the usual prejudices, like that Roma are dirty, lazy and thieving. In fact I never could understand why he married a Roma lady! But he liked to drink, so maybe he felt at home with the many alcoholic men in our family.”

Clean and well-fed
Valeriu’s mum worked hard in and outside the home, so that Valeriu and his two older stepsiblings would have a good life.
   “We were poor, but we always had clean clothes and never went hungry.”    When the stepdad drank, he became violent.
   “He often said he was going to kill us all, but he mostly beat my mum. Sometimes she hit back, with the dustpan, or threatened him with an iron bar to make him stop. I often got between them to protect her. But we didn’t stand a chance against dad, he was much bigger and stronger than we were. And there was no point in complaining to the police because almost all men beat their wives and children, even the policemen! It was accepted in society. My aunt even told mum she should be grateful that he beat her, because it meant that he loved her!”